SOMEONE YOU LOVE STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL HEALTH? THESE 5 Q'S ARE FOR YOU.

A big mistake I made was believing that I could somehow “fix” the struggle my daughter was having with her mental health. That I could study and read and think our way out of the terrifying reality of the uncertain time we were in. I spent hours privately consuming ideas, tools, podcasts, books, videos, suggestions and stories from other parents who had already been where we were. Searching for answers became a lonely and obsessive coping mechanism for me to try and make sense and better understand what we were up against and where we were heading. Information can be helpful but overconsumption, not so much. Consuming knowledge became a way to avoid feeling the fear and discomfort of the unknown--if I could just figure out how and why we got here, maybe I could get a handle on it.

In hindsight, it was foolish of me to try and predict (aka, control) or prevent future outcomes I feared the most. My focus on finding answers became a distraction and delay in doing my own work. Getting comfortable living in the questions (without all the answers) allowed me to begin trading control for curiosity. It’s an ongoing journey of discovering what I need most so I can better show-up for her.

I’d be lying if I said I was no longer plagued with a desire for all the answers or a clean and tidy way of making sense of everything, but that’s not how it works. Mental health isn’t so tidy, it’s not a one and done situation, it’s a lifelong journey. The difference now is I lead with the right questions, I don’t do it alone, and my main focus is on my own work.

Today, I’m sharing 5 powerful questions to focus on as you navigate the journey of supporting someone you love struggling with mental health. I hope that by answering these questions for yourself, it brings you the sturdiness and clarity it’s brought me over the years.

What are my limits here?  What boundaries are necessary for me to stay sturdy so I can be of support?

What resources best support my questions, learning, and understanding? (Therapy, group support, mental health resources, close friends and/or family on a similar path).

What care and coping strategies provide me the best support for stress, energy, and time management? What’s not working?

What environment and connections feel most supportive to me right now? Who are three people in my life I can reach out and connect with regularly?

What expectations (of myself, others, and/or the circumstance) do I need to let go of? What can I find gratitude in right now?

We try and control the things we don’t trust. And the lie we tell ourselves is that by seeking control and all the answers it will bring peace and comfort that everything will turn out just as we want. Trust me, it's not possible. You can’t white knuckle yourself out of a hard thing. The harder you grip on the thing you can’t control, the narrower your perspective, the more stuck, overwhelmed, and swallowed up by the stress you become.

While I believe every day is a good day to be mindful of mental health, May is Mental Health Awareness month--take care of yours. You can’t give to others what you don't give yourself.

Supporting someone you love who is struggling with mental health is tough work, take care of you. Stay in the questions. They evoke curiosity and curiosity creates space for possibility. There’s a parallel process of growing and learning waiting for you. And I promise, you have the power to create and influence your own experience-even the hard ones. Sending love and light your way, my friend. As always, stay open, brave, and on-purpose.