THE SHADOW SIDE OF COMPARISON
Let’s talk about comparison. A natural, primal behavior we all find ourselves engaging in from time to time. As with most words, I love to begin with a definition—Comparison: the representing of one thing or person as similar to or like another, an examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities. How do we compare ourselves to other people? We either compare up, to something we desire to have, do, or be, or we compare down to what we perceive is less than what we already have or can do. Either way, comparison can be used to serve or sabotage our experience and contribution.
We get stuck in the dark side of comparison when our focus and energy overstay its welcome there--we lose perspective. We distort, delete, or generalize, what is true. Neglect consideration of all the parts, the vast differences and our limited perspective. When we compare ourselves to one curated corner or moment in some else’s life, career, or circumstance, we often see what we want to see. We may even embellish and distort what we think we know to really settle into the story we are telling ourself. Sometimes we get stuck because we compare ourselves or our circumstance to how we think things “should” be--(this one is a real killjoy). Or we compare to a previous version of ourselves in a different time and place. These are a few ways we can get sucked into the shadow side of comparison. The comparison spiral becomes a distraction and only fuels our fears and insecurities, perpetuates scarcity. The fastest way to uncertainty and doubt is through unhealthy comparison, a drain on our confidence and creativity along the way. How will we be our authentic self when we stay stuck here? We won’t.
How do you know if you’re stuck in comparison? A few indicators I’ve experienced—self-absorbed thinking, doubt, lack of consistency, negative emotions of jealousy and scarcity, all, or nothing thinking, and anxious restlessness to name a few. So, what can you do when you find yourself stuck in a negative vortex of comparison?
Take a beat and interrupt the pattern. Stuck in comparison is a pattern and habit of emotion and thinking. Recognize you’re there and then call it out, you will immediately decrease its power over you.
Notice where you feel it in your body. Our physiology is like a tuning fork, a powerful resource constantly giving us feedback that can bring more harmony to our life. Tune in and listen, it’s telling you something important. Look for patterns.
Determine the trigger, where are you getting stuck in comparison and what precedes it? For example, does mindless social media scrolling leave you feeling elevated or deflated? Reach for what makes you rise. Focus on where you have agency, limit your exposure.
Get PERSPECTIVE. Turn down the external noise and tune into your life. Double down on your gratitude practice!
Show-up and serve. DO something. Physically change your state by doing something for someone else. When we get too deep into comparison we begin over focusing on self. The quickest way to shift is through service to someone else and it can be a simple act of kindness—a phone call to check-in, a notecard, a favor, or volunteering to help.
This week, I invite you to take notice—Are you focused on your game? How are you serving your highest priorities? How are you maximizing your strengths? Be you, do you, bring more of you!