MATH THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME
Hello and welcome back! Are you noticing the change in season? Daffodils and trees blooming, longer days, Spring is showing herself. This week, I’m sharing some Math that makes sense to me (most of it doesn’t).
The more I study, the more fascinated I become about the paradoxical truth of the human brain and how the mind works. It's responsible for wildly complicated and complex systems and also for simple habits and routines. Isn’t it true? The simplest habits of our mind are incredibly difficult to change. We have habits of thinking and feeling, habits of interaction in relationship to others, and habits in how we respond to challenge. All of which are responsible for our happiness, well-being, and overall performance in life.
Our 2-million-year-old brain was designed for survival, to keep us safe from the saber tooth tiger on the savannah. It's designed to amplify the negative, notice what’s wrong or what’s missing, to self-protect. How do we retrain and rewire? We build mental muscle through repetition. At the very front of our old brain lies the pre-frontal cortex, our self-command muscle. This is the muscle in our brain responsible for commanding our attention, determining what we focus on, and when we take action. Ok, back to Math. To edit our mental habits, we can use our self-command muscle and shift our focus by applying a 3:1 ratio (positive to negative). Three positive thoughts to override one. Three positive interactions in a relationship—an expression of gratitude, encouragement, appreciation—to override one criticism or correction.
Parenting has been my greatest teacher in this work. When my relationship with Ava or Carson feels strained and I’m frustrated because I’m focused on what they aren’t doing, I will also find a pattern. A pattern of how I'm thinking and interacting with them. Often my part in the negative pattern is that I haven’t noticed or acknowledged enough what they are doing well. Until interrupted, this pattern creates a vortex of negativity, a contagion that can be a challenge to break. Flipping the ratio, noticing, and acknowledging three things I can authentically appreciate for every one correction, begins to break the pattern. This takes effort, it's not easy but always worth it!
Is there a habit with yourself or in relationship with someone else where you can apply the 3:1 ratio? Is there a pattern that is no longer serving you? Give it a go this week. If we want a different result, we need to make a different choice. I’m doing this work right alongside of you!